After rising from bed this morning to face a new day, area man Michael Whitmore took a Vitamin D pill that will do nothing to prevent his crippling depression.
“I knew that in these winter months, Vitamin D was just what I needed to get back on track,” said Whitmore about the ineffective vitamin.
Unfortunately for Whitmore, the lack of sunshine fails to explain his chronic anxiety and deeply rooted self-esteem issues.
“I mean, it’s no secret that people get a bit more sad this time of year,” said Whitmore, who is sad every time of year.
Medical records show that Whitmore was referred to a therapist four months ago, but he instead opted to purchase a three years’ supply of Vitamin D3. After his family expressed concerns for his health, however, Whitmore has recently agreed to upgrade to a multivitamin.