NEWS

Man On Keto Diet Straining To Bring Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Conversation Back To What He Ate Today

Despite wanting to steer the conversation back to what he made for breakfast this morning, recent reports show that life coach Colton Teahan is being held hostage in a conversation about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

While the conversation started as a friendly catch-up between two old friends who used to golf together, to Teahan’s horror, it quickly deteriorated into a one-sided rant about today’s most hot-button and controversial political topics.

“The complex, bitter conflict between Israel and Palestine has been raging on for decades now,” said Teahan’s friend Landon Clark, as Teahan tried to find a way to insert his omelette recipe into the discussion. “At this rate, it looks like they’ll never find a solution.”

As Clark began a monologue about asymmetric warfare, Teahan panicked, fearing that the conversation was beyond repair.

“That omelette had spinach, bell peppers, and Kalamata olives,” thought Teahan, as Clark mentioned riots breaking out throughout Israel and the West Bank.

Clark, who learned about the existence of Palestine three weeks ago from a NowThis infographic, was unaware of Teahan’s wandering mind.

“If you ask me, both sides just need leaders who are willing to finally make some concessions,” said Clark, as Teahan remembered the avocado he spooned out and put on top of his omelette.

After almost 15 minutes of conversation, Teahan finally found a clear segue back to his diet, comparing the Kalamata olives in his omelette to creating an olive branch between Israel and Palestine.

“Look dude, honestly, the conflict feels a lot like the conflict our bodies face depending on the food we eat,” Teahan stated matter of factly. “All I know is I’ve never felt better after cutting sugar out of my diet four years ago.”

At press time, Teahan was thinking about a two-step cauliflower crust recipe as Clark droned on about the complexities of a two-state solution.

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