A new spiritual practice taking the country by storm has been revealed to just be the copious consumption of marijuana. The new practice, which was popularized by wellness influencers on social media, encourages followers to “get high as fuck.”
Followers of the newfound movement have displayed noticeable increases in positive attitude and compassion, as well as a growing interest in potato chips and Taco Bell.
For a small fee, some influencers are providing materials straight to their followers. According to one Instagram page, anyone interested in the new practice will be shipped a small bag of medicinal herbs and told to “hit a bong until [they] can’t see straight.” Upon close inspection of the herbs by an independent researcher, it has been determined that the contents were just an eighth of decent pot.
“Yeah my roommate was super into this,” commented area woman Sandra Meyers. “I really don’t think I saw a difference in him once he started going to the meet-ups. He was already high all the time, but now he’s just super pretentious about it.”
The internet’s response to the movement has been overwhelmingly positive, with many calling it the first mindfulness practice that has ever truly worked.
“This new movement changed my life,” said follower Harris May, about essentially just smoking weed, which he had already been doing for 15 years. “I just feel so much more, uh, mindful all the time.”
While most participants saw increases in positive areas such as relaxation, mood, and appetite, a few have reported panic attacks and severe anxiety.