NEWS

Area Man Thinks Coworker Should Have A Natural Birth

According to eyewitnesses early this morning, area man Brett Hartland announced to a group of female colleagues that he is a strong proponent of natural childbirth. The revelation was made during a casual breakroom conversation after Tessa Moon, who is five months pregnant, asked Brett about his weekend.

Reports show that instead of asking about his co-worker’s weekend in return like a normal person, Hartland randomly asked Moon if she planned to have a natural birth.

“I think women should at least try to give birth naturally,” said Hartland, after Moon muttered that she had not yet decided on her birth plan. “If it were me, I’d want the full experience.”

Although Moon stared at him blankly, indicating a clear signal for Hartland to stop talking, he chose to elaborate on his position, adding, “I think I’d see doing it naturally as a personal challenge, like running a marathon or something.”

Later, when asked to comment, Hartland continued, “I think Tessa should be flattered that I compared childbirth to an actual accomplishment like running a marathon.”

It has been confirmed that Hartland, who has neither children nor a uterus, has also never run a marathon. His hardline position on medicated pain management came as a surprise to Moon, who last week gave Hartland her last Tylenol because he thought he might have a headache coming on.

At press time, Hartland referred to paper cuts as “the worst kind of pain” after scraping his finger on a memo about boundaries in the workplace.

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