FITNESS

Evil Bitch Of A Friend Wants To Know If You Want To Join Her Run Tomorrow Morning

In a recent incident that has since been described as deeply inconsiderate, area woman Paige Saunders asked her friend Sara Bolen if she’d like to join her run the next morning.

At the time of the incident, witnesses confirm that Bolen was curled up in bed, peacefully watching a movie and drinking chamomile tea. Reports show that Bolen entered a state of panic once she received Saunders’ text, explaining that she was seeking a “buddy” to accompany her on her psychotic daily 6 am jog.

“Thank you so much for thinking of me!” responded Bolen, wondering how her friend could be so wildly out of touch. “That would be so cute — hm, let me think about it.”

Bolen went on to explain how she wasn’t yet sure of her schedule, even though she was 100% certain she would be fast asleep at 6 am the following morning. Reports show she attempted to continue her movie, but her mind was consumed by thoughts of how hurt she was that her friend clearly doesn’t really know her.

“Can I get back to you in an hour?” responded Bolen again, feeling increasingly betrayed that Saunders would put her on the spot like that and make her feel like a worthless, indolent slob.

Bolen spent a few moments brainstorming how to get out of this one without exposing her true lazy self.

“Maybe we could go to a café or something?” she eventually asked, despite still being hurt that Saunders would suggest intense physical activity before the sun has even fully risen. “Or see a movie?”

As expected, Bolen was last seen in bed as Saunders was beating her personal 5K record.

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