We know great skincare isn’t the number one priority when fleeing the law. But for every burner phone you ditch in your third stolen car this week, there’s a great, simple product for your escape routine to go from “on the lam” to “hot damn!”
1. SPF 45 Day Cream
For those long hours in your getaway car, make sure you’re applying SPF to your bad, criminal face every 4–6 hours. No one said going on the run meant sun damage, hon!
2. Hydrating Sheet Mask
There’s nothing more soothing than a great sheet mask, especially ones tailored to fool the most sophisticated of facial recognition software. Choose from “Fake Mustache Floral,” “Whodunnit Watermelon,” or “Collection of Random Shapes Cucumber.”
3. Citrus Body Milk
Indulge yourself with a scent that the pack of search dogs tracking you will hate with this refreshing citrus! Make those canines run the other way while your skin is wanted for being extra soft.
4. Cuticle Repair Cream
Counting all that money you stole has your cuticles struggling nearly as much as the local sheriff tasked with catching you. Restore those nail beds with a restorative cream that won’t damage your fav burgling gloves either!
5. Deep Moisture Hair Mask
You can’t forget your gorgeous and identifiable hair when crossing state lines (unless you already shaved it off). Escape limp locks with a coconut-based hair mask: perfect for restoring luster to hair that’s been matted under a truck-stop baseball cap for weeks.
6. Retinol Serum
For those deep forehead wrinkles you get from squinting at the rearview mirror every time you see headlights, a retinol serum is a must! Just make sure you grab one for sensitive skin — you don’t want any extra redness if they finally get that mugshot.