HEALTH

‘It’s Just Allergies,’ Says Woman About To Infect Entire Restaurant

Witnesses report that area restaurant patron Diana Marcus insisted she was just experiencing allergies, despite the reality that she was about to infect the entire dining room with strep throat.

“I hate allergies,” said Marcus, even though she was experiencing a bacterial infection that would eventually spread to all 49 others dining at Prince’s Pizzeria & Bistro in Hoboken, New Jersey. “This happens every spring.”

According to the party dining with Marcus, the 26-year-old wiped her nose with her hand and then sorted through ciabatta rolls in the bread basket.

“Does anyone else’s throat get super itchy around this time of year?” asked Diana, who was not experiencing a regular itchy throat but instead a sore throat caused by a highly contagious infection. “And sort of scratchy too?”

Evidence shows that Marcus’s plate, which was infected with trillions of Streptococcus pyogenes, was then taken by a waitress who served 21 other parties that night.

“It’s weird that my allergies are so bad today, since I just started taking Claritin,” said Marcus over dessert, oblivious that she should be taking antibiotics instead of antihistamines. “Maybe I’ll take two tomorrow.”

New reports show that Marcus convinced herself that her symptoms were only allergies for a full three more days, allowing her to spread the infection to over 200 other people.

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