This just in: Trojan recently released a latex-free condom that’s completely biodegradable! According to company marketing material, Trojan wants condom wearers to help fight climate change by “going green with your peen.”
Finally! No longer do horny teens have to feel guilty about throwing their used condoms out the window after banging it out in the backseat of their mom’s car on prom night. Now, they can focus all their anxiety on unwanted pregnancies and that weird rash they didn’t notice before having sex.
This new condom doesn’t actually prevent pregnancies or STIs, but that’s a small price to pay for a condom you can flush down the toilet guilt-free. What’s a mild case of herpes compared to reducing your carbon footprint?
Trojan calls the condom “The Green New Feel” in a cheeky effort to appeal to environmentally conscious individuals who want to be AOC in the streets and OMG in the sheets.
The new product is made from a mixture of wheat germ, hemp, and quinoa. There’s also a gluten-free option made from cauliflower and flaxseed so people with celiac disease can still enjoy going down when they’re getting down. Both versions are slathered in coconut oil for lubrication that’s not only natural but pleasantly fragrant as well!
Look, we all know the best condom is no condom, but if it comes down to a choice between wrapping and tapping or settling for hand stuff, at least this new condom won’t kill mother earth while it’s killing your boner.
So what are you going to choose, one of those baby-stopping, STI-preventing condoms that’ll destroy the environment? Or a condom that might be less effective on a few technicalities, but will save the earth!