According to friends and family, 79-year-old Lucille Marchetti has been growing increasingly irritable at the notion that her grandchildren would succumb to vaping before she succumbs to the effects of smoking menthols for the past several decades.
Marchetti, who began smoking at the age of 11 when the cigarette industry was booming, is reportedly appalled that her 30-year-old grandchildren could be drawn in by the fad of vaping.
“I see these stronzos with their soft hands, vaping in their rolled up skinny jeans,” Marchetti rambled on, cigarette in hand, pointing to her neighbors across the street. “And it pains me to see my own grandkids becoming just like them.”
Although Matthew Brevolic, Marchetti’s oldest grandson, has claimed that vaping is less harsh on the lungs compared to inhaling smoke from a cigarette, Marchetti remains unfazed by the usual health implications of smoking and continues to dismiss her grandson’s excuses.
“If [Matthew] doesn’t grow some balls and smoke a real goddamn cigarette for once, he’ll end up like my good-for-nothing ex-husband Gio,” Marchetti coughed, waving her hand to clear the smoke from her third cigarette.
“I don’t know how much more I can take of these pathetic kids,” added Marchetti later. “It’s a shame these cigarettes haven’t killed me by now. I was hoping I’d never have to see this.”
At press time, Marchetti was dismayed to learn her own grandchildren were drinking hard seltzers.