NEWS

Newly Enlisted Marine Looking Forward To Experiencing PTSD Before Drinking First Legal Beer

New reports show that Fairfax, Virginia 17-year-old Dillon Boone is excited for his first tour of duty, which he will experience before being able to purchase a six-pack of beer in the country for which he may someday give his life.

Boone, who joined the United States Marine Corps upon graduating from high school, is currently in his seventh week of bootcamp. The teenager has expressed genuine enthusiasm at the new life experiences he will face overseas, seemingly unaffected by the fact that around 17% of combatants will suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder before being able to legally purchase alcohol, tobacco, or enter a casino.

“At least when I get home from my first tour, I’ll finally be able to go see an R-rated movie,” Boone explained, as he will turn 18 while training for combat missions that may very well make him mentally unstable for the rest of his life.

With the war in Afghanistan coming to a close, Boone has been wondering where his first encounter with combat will be.

“My pops served two tours in Afghanistan back in 2001,” remarked Boone, who has yet to drink his first legal sip of wine. “That’s where he watched his whole team get decimated by a roadside bomb. And that’s why he has a gripping fear of riding in cars now. It’s a shame it was only two years after he got his driver’s license.”

Boone also expressed excitement to finally buy a scratch-off lottery ticket, something he will get the opportunity to do only once he is suffering from nightmares and other horrible visions of destruction.

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