NUTRITION

Raccoon Nutritionists Recommend Daily Serving Of Banana Peel From Dumpster

This past Thursday, the Council of Raccoon Nutritionists reaffirmed that banana peels are a great supply of potassium, and everyone should eat at least one per day.

“Not only is the food high in fiber and important vitamins, but it’s also extremely delicious,” squeaked Head Dietitian Bandit, perched cutely atop a makeshift podium made from old crates. “One sustainable place to source your banana peel is in the dumpster behind the Dairy Queen. Bring your friends at night and be sure to get in your daily serving of napkin soaked in melted ice cream.”

As he gave his banana peel recommendation, Bandit referred to an informative little graph he made from an old pizza box and crayons he sourced after he hissed at a child on a park bench. The rodent nutritionist then issued an important guideline about the food scrap.

“Though it can be tempting, be sure not to overindulge in banana peel,” warned Bandit, sternly waving around his funny little fingers. “If you stay too long in the dumpster, a human woman with a broom might come out and scare you.”

At press time, a fitness guru rat recommended a nightly scampering with your family in the walls of someone’s apartment.

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