NEWS

Hippie Dying In Bus Accident Just Glad It Was A Hybrid

Local hippie and pedestrian Rain Stevens died this week after expressing gratitude that the city bus that just hit him in a crosswalk was indeed a hybrid model.

Witnesses rushed to Stevens’ aid after the collision on State Boulevard, where they told police Stevens had the right of way.

“It was crazy,” one eyewitness told reporters. “One minute he was crossing the street whistling ‘Touch of Grey,’ and the next thing I knew, his Tevas were flying off his feet. And the straps on those sandals are strong, so you know that bus was going too fast!”

Stevens reportedly asked paramedics about the fuel efficiency of the bus as they attempted to treat his injuries, finding comfort when told that the bus was probably still in the zone for utilizing its electric power, despite a dangerously high rate of speed.

“Thank God,” said Stevens with one of his dying breaths, just as he learned that the bus was partially electric.

City officials had promised to make pedestrian safety a priority after residents complained about a lack of safe walking paths through the downtown area. A proposed plan for a pedestrian bridge was scrapped earlier this year in favor of several signs reading “Slow Down” placed in high-traffic intersections.

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