Heeding their pro-life constituents’ calls to advocate for the protection of unborn children, Texas lawmakers announced the passage of a new statewide abortion law Thursday that would crack down on fetuses who eat their twin siblings in the womb.
“We’re talking about the highest level of punishment here—maybe life in prison, even death,” said Senator Ted Cruz, referring to the controversial new piece of abortion legislation that would make the state’s youngest perpetrators of fetal homicide pay the ultimate price.
“Just one look at these bastards through the ultrasound and you can tell there’s no remorse whatsoever for the victims. It’s sick—I bet they don’t even remember dissolving them in utero, what with those puny, developing brains.”
Sources reported that the measures would criminalize any type of prenatal sibling consumption, even in scenarios where the failure to absorb one unborn twin would endanger the life of the other.
At press time, a group of judges had begun to gather outside the entrance to Texas General Hospital, to welcome the newly born accused into the world and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.