FEATURED NUTRITION

Not As Healthy As We Thought? All The Cavemen Who Invented The Paleo Diet Are Dead

“Eat what cavemen ate.” That’s the mantra of the famed Paleolithic or “paleo diet,” an eating philosophy that prioritizes the typical fare of our hunter gatherer ancestors — lean meats, fish, fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds. But before you shove that salmon and cantaloupe down your throat, consider this: all of the cavemen credited with inventing this diet are dead.

It’s true. Every single one of them. In fact, according to our research team, they’ve been dead for tens of thousands of years.

It seems insane, but sometimes the truth is crazier than fiction. The poster children of one of the most popular and celebrated takes on clean eating are now nothing but skeletal remains hidden in the crevices of the earth.

We don’t know how this detail could’ve been overlooked.

We’re even starting to think that the Paleo diet might have some cognitive risks as well. Have you seen the art those people made? It sucks. Anyone can paint some dumb stick figures.

What’s the point of being so disciplined with your food intake if half of you are just gonna be eviscerated by a Saber-toothed tiger before nightfall?

Sure, clinical studies have shown some short term benefits to Paleo including weight loss and blood pressure control. But at what cost? The larger historical data suggests that you’ll end up just like the cavemen, with your fleshless skull being cracked open with lab equipment.

This may be a controversial take, but we urge anyone to think very carefully about following a diet that led so many down a path towards nothing but becoming a decomposing corpse.

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