NUTRITION

How We Tricked Our Taste Buds Into Thinking Everything Is Snickers

Halloween can be a hard time for those of us who value our bodies. Who can resist the temptation of those sweet, sweet fun-size chocolate bars? We sure know we couldn’t. That is, until we tricked our taste buds into thinking everything is Snickers.

That’s right. No matter how unappetizing, everything we put in our mouth now tastes like everyone’s favorite three-way marriage of chocolate, peanuts, and caramel.

How did we do it? We’d love to share our method! Unfortunately, our HR department isn’t allowing us to disclose that information. It’s a real bummer. Think about how many calories we’d be able to save people if we could tell people how we convinced our bodies that even a bag of raw spinach is, in fact, a Snickers.

You know what? Fuck HR. If we can help millions of people conquer the evils of Halloween candy, it’s worth the lawsuit.

First, find a partner. Next, have your partner blindfold you and feed you foods such as wet tofu, boiled onions, and raw ginger. The third and final step is our favorite! No matter what you’re being fed, it’s important to yell “Snickers!” If you don’t yell Snickers, and instead incorrectly identify the food as a “carrot” or “rice cake,” have your partner send an electric shock through your body. Every time you incorrectly identify the food, the electric shock will increase in voltage.

Yay! Life just tastes great when everything tastes like Snickers.

Next week, we’ll be tricking our muscles into thinking we’ve walked 10,000 steps without even getting out of bed.

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