FITNESS

Heartbreaking: This Man Just Broke The Mile Run World Record But No One Saw Because It Was Only Streamed On Paramount+

Absolutely tragic. Earlier this week, Omari Bankole of Kenya ran a mile in 3 minutes and 30 seconds flat, beating the previous world record of 3 minutes and 43 seconds. He trained his entire life for this, and it was likely the single most impressive thing he’ll ever do — not to mention a truly electrifying broadcast. But you’ll probably never see it, as the event appeared only on Paramount+, the most forgettable and middle-of-the-road streaming service currently available.

You’d think such a historic athletic achievement would warrant more coverage than the platform that brought us Teen Mom 2. But alas, Paramount+ had to jump on the opportunity to broadcast this once-in-a-lifetime event exclusively to its aging and mostly-comatose viewer base.

We can only hope even one person took the initiative to glance up from their phone as Bankole crossed the finish line. But we’re pretty convinced that not a single person outside those in the immediate vicinity witnessed Omari take home the prize.

We only found out about this triumph of the human spirit because a friend of ours got drunk and heard a commercial advertising the Paramount+ live stream on an AM radio he was using to kill a rat in his basement. Who entrusted what could have been one of the most talked about sporting events in the past decade to the people responsible for making a prequel of SpongeBob?

Such a shame.

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