Help Us Trick Ourself Into Believing This Lemon Water Will Actually Work As A Caffeine Substitute

We recently read somewhere that cold water with a few lemon slices in it works just as well — if not better than — caffeine. That’s a little hard for us to believe, but we’re trying to kick a caffeine addiction here and willing to try basically anything.

Cold water with a little bit of lemon juice has revitalizing properties said to boost energy levels, metabolism, and immune defense. That’ll perk us up better than any cup of coffee! Right? That makes sense, right? No?

We’re going to suspend our disbelief here. Our doctor said we’re gonna have some serious problems if we don’t totally cut out caffeine, so let’s just go with it.

Apparently, the lemon water will give our body an energy boost as soon as it enters our digestive tract! Wow — looks like we’ll never have to pay for Starbucks ever again.

Lemons are powerhouses of Vitamin C, meaning we’ll be starting our day off with an immune boost in addition to an energy spike. Which sounds like a load of absolute crap if you ask us but — no. You know what? Stop it. We’re going to stay positive here.

The bottom line is that lemons are extremely healthy fruits, and caffeine is a drug. Can someone help us silence that little voice at the back of our head saying, “but when you’re falling asleep at 2 pm, what’s gonna work better? A drug, or a fucking fruit?”

Maybe we should try hypnosis?

Let’s look on the bright side here. Lemons generally cost under a dollar. Beat that, Starbucks! And Dunkin! And Red Bull! And Monster! And 5-Hour Energy! And Mountain Dew! And trusty ol’ caffeine pills! And delicious Caffeine-Infused chocolate! And Caffeine-Infused gum! And matcha! And pre-workout!

Oh God. This isn’t gonna be easy.

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