NUTRITION

4 Healthy Salad Recipes We’re Only Recommending Because Someone Is Holding A Gun To Our Head

Ar–are you t–tired of not doing what’s r–right for your body? D–do you want to be m–more healthy? Who doesn’t? Well, we’ve got f–four healthy salad recipes that are rea–really good.

Was that okay S–Sir? We can do five — or even s–six — if you’d like. Honestly, we’ll do anything, just let us go back to — y–you want us to k–keep going? Oh–okay, Sir, sure.

Basic Garden Salad

Easily make this cl–classic salad with romaine lettuce, cucumbers, and some balsamic vinaigrette. Wh–what’s that? You don’t like bal–balsamic vinaigrette? That’s okay, Sir! Please, please, you can substitute whatever you want. Fr–French dressing, Italian, raspberry vinaigrette, please! M–maybe you could also use a squeeze of lemon instead? Whatever pleases you, S–Sir, whatever you think is best! Uh, well, this is a gr–great option for those trying to be as nat–natural and healthy as possible.

Leafy Green Spring Salad

Uh, well, this delicious salad is pretty basic, if that’s okay with you, Sir? Well, we r–recommend using sp–spinach as the base, and then for a f–fu–fun f–finish, th–throw in some — oh, God, what do you call them? Oh no, Sir, we’re sincerely sorry, things tend to slip our mind when we’re under pressure. Sir! Sir — please, we’re begging you! Maybe if you just lowered that barrel, we’d be able to th–think a l–little more clearly? Okay? Okay? Uh… strawberries! Strawberries! Strawberries, Sir, please, don’t hurt us!

Kale Salad

This salad is both hip and healthy, if that’s something you would be interested in, sir? Use kale as a base and then maybe throw in some classic vegetables, if that’s okay with you? Which ones? Uh, well, which do you like, Sir? Carrots? Yes? Phew. Cucumbers? Good. Well how about some delicious toma — oh God, we’re sorry, not tomatoes, definitely not tomatoes! P–please, please, we’ll do anything! What is it you want? Money? Information? M–more recipes? J–just add whatever other vegetables you want, then toss with some olive oil.

Caesar Salad

N–nothing like an old classic, agree sir? All you need for a Caesar Salad is romaine lettuce, parmesan cheese, croutons, and dressing. But to keep it as healthy as possible, make sure not to use too much ch–cheese or dressing — actually never mind, Sir, have as much cheese as you’d like. And dressing, sir, as much as you see fit! You’ve no need to lose weight — gain it, if anything! C–can you let us go free now? Th–that was four h–healthy salads, just as you requested. Just put down the gun, and we’ll forget this ever happened. We promise, Sir. We’re begging you. Please, we have a website to run.

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