‘Eggs Are Sides… For Bacon!’ Concludes New Health Study By Cousin’s T-Shirt
A similar study found that the 10-year-old's daily schedule was "Eat, Sleep, Play Video Games."...
HEALTH
Weight Loss Queen! This Woman Got Rid Of Her Cellulite By Putting On Pants
Have you tried every hack on the internet that claims it’ll get rid of that pesky cellulite? Well, we might finally have an answer for...
New Telehealth App Makes Unaffordable Health Care Even More Accessible
A new telehealth app launched this week, making healthcare you can’t afford readily available for millions of Americans. HealthMobile boasts seamless integration of virtual visits,...
‘It’s Just Allergies,’ Says Woman About To Infect Entire Restaurant
Witnesses report that area restaurant patron Diana Marcus insisted she was just experiencing allergies, despite the reality that she was about to infect the entire...
Fuck Yes: The Doctor Is Taking Off His Gloves Before This Prostate Exam
Oh boy. We’d been excited for this prostate exam all month, but now someone’s gonna have to pinch us. The doctor is finally about to...
6 Scientists Who Came Nowhere Close To Inventing The Vaccine
Incredible researchers from all around the world worked tirelessly over the past year to end this generation’s most challenging health crisis. None of these scientists...
What Do You Mean We Weren’t Supposed To Wash Our Vaccine Card
Wait, are you serious? Why didn’t anybody tell us this! We literally just turned on the dishwasher seconds ago, set to high heat to kill...
Help! We Started This Bloodletting With 8 Leeches, And Now We’re Only Counting 7
Could someone please lend us a hand? When we lay down for this bloodletting, we had eight leeches. That we are sure of — we...
Chain Smoking Alcoholic Concerned About Side Effects Of Covid Vaccine
Despite being classified as high-risk because of his various chronic ailments, area man Matthew Cooper has made no attempt to schedule a COVID-19 vaccine appointment...
FDA Recalls Johnson & Johnson Band-Aids After Association With Blood Clots
The dangerous bandages are known to promote scab formation, which is caused by clotting blood....