First, take a deep breath.
The Whole Wheat Post is a satire publication that is not intended for readers under the age of 18. The Whole Wheat Post uses invented names in its stories except in cases where public figures or institutions are being satirized or described. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.
Also, please do not follow any of the diets, nutritional advice, or exercises described on this website. Doing so will result in serious injury, death, or worse (extremely rapid weight gain).
Finally, please do not sue us. If you have any concerns, please contact us before calling your legal team. We are poorer than you think.
Required image attributions can be found on the spreadsheet here.