RELATIONSHIPS

Fuck: It’s Our Girlfriend’s Birthday So We Have To Have Sex

Oh, God damn it. Has it really been another year already?

Well, either all the calendars are wrong, or it’s time to throw in the towel. Looks like it’s been a full 365 days, and we’re gonna have to actually touch her if we want to renew our lease on this woman.

Ugh. Ew. We got off easy on Valentine’s Day, but I think we’re gonna have to actually make physical contact this time. Well, wish us luck.

You know, maybe we should look on the bright side — it might not be so bad. Ugh, who are we kidding? Last year, we couldn’t fall asleep for a full month after we did the deed.

We could just get her a really nice gift and then she’ll be okay with not really touching at all? Maybe some earrings or something else that women like? She could be so thankful for the nice gift that maybe she’d be cool with sleeping in different rooms tonight?

Who even invented the concept of birthday sex anyway? Shouldn’t your birthday be the one day you don’t have to have sex? Maybe if we just explained that to her, she’d understand?

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Here she comes. Let’s get this over with.

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