HEALTH

Woman Weighs Herself Before And After Shit

In an effort to obtain the most accurate possible reading from her bathroom scale, area woman Olivia Lombardi reportedly weighed herself both before and after taking a massive dump. 

Sources confirm that Lombardi, who is reported to have eaten a large dinner consisting of beef enchiladas the night before, was convinced the initial weight of 140 pounds shown by her scale was skewed by the amount of fecal matter passing through her colon.

“There’s no way I weigh 140,” said Lombardi, flushing the remnants of her enchiladas de carne down the toilet. “There, that must have subtracted at least five pounds.” 

However, after stepping back onto the scale, Lombardi was reportedly disappointed to realize that the loaf she had just pinched only brought her weight down by half a pound.

“Shoot, I felt really bloated after that Mexican food last night. I totally thought weighing myself after my morning BM would make a difference,” said Lombardi, checking herself in the mirror to see if she looked noticeably skinnier. 

At press time, Lombardi was waiting until after her period to step back onto the scale to see how much of her 139.5 pounds was made up of blood weight. 

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