HEALTH

CVS Cashier Calling For Backup Like Overwhelmed Action Movie Hero Holding Off Henchmen

Shoppers at a local CVS in Charlottesville, Virginia have confirmed that cashier Patrick Fields is calling for backup on the loudspeaker like an action movie star trying to hold off wave after wave of henchmen from infiltrating the base.

“We need backup over here,” called Fields over the PA, as the checkout line grew longer. “Everyone, get to your stations!”

Witnesses confirm that Fields’ expression conveyed a feeling of panic, as if the bad guys were about to gain an advantage unless the heroes somehow got an ammo re-up.

“We’re losing control!” Fields shouted, like victory was slipping farther and farther away as the enemy initiated a succession of airstrikes. “I need support over at Bravo — fast!”

When one customer approached the checkout desk carrying a basket containing over 20 items, Fields locked and loaded his scanner gun, preparing to make a miraculous comeback or go down fighting.

“For CVS,” Fields said heroically as he started scanning, preparing to sacrifice himself for the greater good of the pharmacy.

At press time, Fields was announcing that he was “completely surrounded,” sounding like a horde of zombies had just ripped through the barricades.

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