FEATURED WELLNESS

How to Be Hot at 50 By Also Being Hot Your Entire Life

We solved it: the secret to being hot at 50. And it’s so simple — just be hot your entire life!

We’ve all looked at a photo of Jennifer Lopez and wondered how she does it. A successful woman in her 50s with exceptional wealth, and hot too? It was such a mystery until we looked at literally any other photo of her throughout her entire life and finally realized she’s always been that way! She never stopped! It was right in front of our very average faces the whole time.

Now, how can us normals achieve such levels of hotness in their 50s and beyond? Turns out it’s also quite simple: have hotter parents! Generational wealth helps keep those stress wrinkles away too, but we can’t stress the ‘being genetically predisposed to hotness the whole time’ part enough.

“But what about sunscreen and taking vitamins?” you might ask. Go for it, troll face! But that’s more about keeping you from a more-rapid shriveling than it is about becoming so hot that strangers desperately demand “what’s her secret?” And when in doubt, just spend years of your life devoted to unattainably expensive facial treatments, luxury clothing tailored to fit your exact body, and deniable cosmetic surgery.

Oh you’re already 50? Yeah, then it’s definitely too late.

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